Living to create

and my addiction to beauty.

They say the only constant is change.

I say thank goodness for that.

When I started my Substack a year and a half ago I was a different woman.

Back then, I was a 48 year old life-long seeker addicted to the pursuit of capital T Truth. I had so many questions that needed answering, so many opinions that sought the company of those who opined the same way. I needed the comfort and safety that came from the sure footing of knowing what is true.

The birth of my addiction to seeking began many years ago….

I first discovered what I call the ‘world beneath the world’ when I read The Celestine Prophecy and The Road Less Travelled at 15 years old, in the midst of puberty and my parents’ separation. Daily, I was roiling and boiling over with anxiety inside of my changing body and collapsing sense of Home. But these books gave me some relief from my suffering. I so clearly remember how very tingly and alive I felt when I read them. My eyes wept and my heart soared. I was alight and abuzz. In reflection, I can now recognize what they gave me was a mainline to Source and the transmission was clear:

Jacqueline, you are not alone.

The world you inhabit is not what it seems. And how it appears is up to you.

At a young age and when I needed it most, I was given access to learning how to find the key to the door to the portal that opens to a place of pure love. I learned that, if I follow the breadcrumbs, I can always find my way back to that place, to Home.

From then on, I knew my life’s path would take me down whatever road was less travelled, less crowded, more real….more TRUE.

For the next few decades, I sought information about anything and everything that brought me closer to a sense of understanding this mysterious world I inhabit. Book after book, documentary after documentary, podcast after podcast, I studied.

Though the discovery of a truth often tasted bitter, I found it to be more digestible than lies, and I acquired quite the taste for it. Besides, it’s never really been the flavour I was after- it was the effect. There’s nothing more refreshing than a ‘smack you in the face’ realization that you’ve been duped, or wrong, or misperceiving. Untethering a mind, a body, a soul from its prison of constraints is like jumping into cold water- it’s shocking at first, but it inevitably warms up as you adjust to your new clarity of vision. And you are left with the gift of a refined vantage point as a reward for your bravery at jumping into the unknown.

After all, an enlightened path is easier to follow than one shrouded in darkness.

Every compass point or map can only lead you forward when you are clear on where you are.

My pursuit for clarity is what led me to Substack, and to calling it Post Post Modern.

As much as it rolls off the tongue and is well-suited to be the name of a cool post-post-punk band, it is clearly a name created out of a reaction to Post Modernism, the ideology that claims there is no such thing as objective truth.

How could this be true when there is Natural Law, and fundamental principles that govern our shared physical reality? When up is up and green is green and a lie is a lie?

How can there be no objective reality when the corporate central banking controllers of clown-world appear like a real oppressive force squeezing all the life and breath and joy out of humanity?

Is it not true that what we resist persists? And that what we focus on grows?

This was the line of questioning that inspired me to begin writing here.

I’m here now to tell you I am moving past where I’ve been.

After decades of seeking, I’ve concluded that rabbit-hole diving functions as yet another distraction for me simply because there is no bottom.

Synchronistically, Christopher Cook wrote a piece yesterday that touched on the same idea. Little did he know I had this piece sitting in my draft folder awaiting completion. Thanks for the kick of inspiration to finish and release it today, my friend.

In it he states:

“Learning every last little detail of it (as if it were ever actually possible to know the real truth)…serves very little purpose in our lives. It doesn’t substantially change anything. It doesn’t make you happier. As my wise, talented, beautiful friend

Jacqueline Rendell said, it’s just “Another day devoted to not building, creating, dreaming what comes next.”

When we dwell within the system, we feed the system. We do not benefit ourselves; we benefit the system. We benefit our oppressors.

I understand why it feels like we must engage. The system is the problem, and we are wired to fight and solve problems. But the evidence of history (and an honest assessment of life experience) is clear: the system never really changes. Fighting it, dwelling within it, and obsessing over it don’t do anything except make us miserable.”

It seems as though many of us are coming to the same conclusion.

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dancing and dreaming

In a world where what is true is getting harder to discern, perhaps our energy is best invested in pursuits that nourish and inspire our greatest qualities, abilities, and gifts.

I believe we all have a soul contract, a purpose we are each uniquely gifted with.

Making an effort to not regret giving my gifts more consistently at earlier stages of my life, I can only double-down in my commitment to develop and offer them NOW.

I had my reasons for holding back and allowing myself to be distracted. I simply didn’t know any better. Until I did.

I’m happy to say that over this past year and half, thanks to the several inspiring friends I’ve met and adventurous internal travelling, I’ve healed and outgrown old fears that led to chronic behaviours like deriving a false sense of safety from needing to be right, needing to be understood. I’ve outgrown old ways of thinking, of speaking.

Of being.

As I’ve continued to learn, unlearn, and evolve in my understanding of the nature of this reality, I believe less and less that there is only one way to perceive it- the correct way.

I am not here to change the world, but to create MY world.

I am not here to convince others to think or act like me, but to accept that each individual is on their own path of evolution. Who am I to say what is right for another? I couldn’t possibly manage having that much power, and nor would I want it.

I believe every soul is on their own journey inside this construct.

And renewing and deepening my focus on mine is what I’m here to do.

I am here to CREATE.

The more I grow, the less I have to say. The less I focus on the external, the more I become ME….

….and the more peace I find.

I have a new addiction.

I am addicted to beauty- looking for it, creating it, enjoying it.

I am addicted to celebrating my sense of wonder at existing. To living while I am alive.

I am addicted to dancing and dreaming my way through this world and into the next….

Come dance your dance with me, my friend.

The floor is ours, and always has been.

Much love,

Jacqueline

My latest stream here for you, as I pack to go away on vacay. When I return from my holiday, I’ll be sharing in full force. Take care and be great.